As we approach Memorial Day and the last day of this long weekend, I have done some reflecting on my recent depression flare. I realized that this weekend, for the first time in probably a month or two, I was not completely debilitated by this mental illness. I reflected on my small wins, and with those small wins, came a great sum of success in this solo mental war I’ve been fighting. Just like how depression can overwhelm you by one negative instance added on top of another on top of another until you’ve reached a breaking point, so can coming out of it. Finally, this Memorial Day weekend brought a breath of fresh air, and here are my small wins that lead to it:
- As usual, I had the day off on Friday. Earlier in the week, I made plans to meet up with a friend for a couple of drinks. Of course, I was weary because lately when I’ve been “making plans,” my depression gets the better of me and I have to cancel. But, not this time! I forced myself to get up, get dressed, and get out. In doing so, I was able to confide in a loving friend about things that have been troubling me, and I was also able to catch up with some other friends that I haven’t seen in a few months. Yes, I was a little “checked out” during all of this, but I made it out into public and I enjoyed myself while I was at it.
- Come Saturday, I was planning on having a “me” day, but that is just not what Creator had in mind. I get a text from another good friend wanting to go on a walk, and for the first time in a long time, I got excited about the idea of a new hiking adventure, in which she happily agreed to. So, we hiked and climbed four beautiful miles of some of Ohio’s beautiful terrain. By the end of our trek, I was exhausted, sweaty, thirsty, and extremely proud of our three hour adventure. Another small win that ultimately led to the release of endorphins and a mind at ease.
- Today, Sunday, plans are still up in the air. As I try to see what my body is telling me it wants, I know that I’ve already accomplished things I’ve been wanting and needing to do that I just haven’t been able to find energy for. I finished painting a long waiting piece (a project that has taken a year), and I deep cleaned my room to get that good energy flowing better. I also made a decision on a car that I so desperately need to get, and now I am sitting by the pond listening to the running water that has always soothed my mind. Now, do I go and catch up with some more friends that I haven’t seen in awhile or do I allow my body some time to rest? That, I don’t know yet. But, I do know that I have again risen above depression and accomplished some small wins in the process.
- Tomorrow, I have a lot that I want and need to do. This will be the challenge. Can I handle the stresses that this will bring after a few days of small wins and rejuvenation? Or will it put me back down to where I was? I can’t answer that now, but what I do know is that I’m going to do everything I can to make it yet another day of small wins …because I know it will only further boost this recovery process.
So, I think it’s important to reflect on these small wins. In our society and our world, we have a tendency to focus on the negatives until the negatives pile so high that we feel suffocated, but what we fail to see in this great big pile are the positives. With every closed door is a new one opened, with every dirt patch is a seed waiting to be grown – dark can never chase away dark, only light can do that. We all have a light dying to burn bright, we just have to clear the clutter and let it breathe.
One Who Walks With Nature 